All Change Again...

It's the last Tuesday of this school. The last Tuesday I will teach in Year2 in DeHavilland. The last Tuesday I will have to walk into my classroom and desperately try to remember what it was like teaching in Key Stage 2.

All of these things feel good.

In a few short weeks (not too short, I hope, as I have to fit in summer camp, Bulgaria and a healthy amount of loafing) I will be moving on up to Year 4. Aaah, back in my comfort zone. Sure, I have to move classroom again. Sure, I have to plan a whole new set of units and lessons. Sure, I have no display stuff ready or any idea about the children in my class.

None of these things worry me.

This year has been, well, horrid. It started well and got progressively more stressful, painful, confusing, tiring and pointless. Okay, not pointless. I have learned a lot about my ability to cope under pressure. I don't really have one. I have found out just how emotional I can be. I have discovered that I respond with neither the fight or flight reaction. I just throw in the towel and lose interest. I stay up until 3am watching films. Or worse, watching interviews with celebrities at press junkets on YouTube.

So, with 3 'sort of' days left of term I fully intend to allow my class to enjoy themselves. We will paint, play, sing, draw pictures, watch films. I will give them an end of term present. I will expect nothing in return. And when the school day ends at 2pm on Friday afternoon, I will breathe a tremendous sigh of relief, sign off my computer and drive home. Smiling. For the first time in a long time.

The day I saw the light again.

It's not a surprise to any of you who know me that I have been becoming mildy disillusioned by the teaching gig lately. Frankly, moments when teaching is a wonderful and exciting privilege are few and far between. Mostly it is assessments, concern forms, planning, marking, discipline and staff meetings. I really didn't want to become one of those new teachers who left after a few years. I was headed that way.

Until today.

For the first time in two years, I remembered why I decided to become a primary school teacher today. The curriculum is being changed (for the first time since the 80s!) in the next couple of years and I am stoked! We are going to be allowed more flexibility; chances to integrate ICT, languages, debate, economics, puzzles, investigations and presentations. It's everything that primary education should be! I just hope that the (respectfully) older members of staff are able to embrace it. Anyway, I'm bursting with ideas.

Excellent!

Easter, tears and fears.

I made it through Term2 and right into Easter. Phew. Deep breath.

Having two weeks holiday was even greater relief than the kind you feel when you turn your bag inside out looking for your phone and realise it was in your pocket the whole time. I have been able to sleep and drink cider, two of life's great pleasures! But more than this, I have had time to think and write.

I don't want to sound all melodramatic and emotional, but holidays are a good time to cry about stuff. If I exhausted myself with crying during term time, I wouldn't get into school each day. But Easter in particular gives me lots to think about. Like what's it all about, where's it all going and what am I doing about it?

School is still really hard work and, even though there are just 11 weeks until I am a fully qualified wings-and-everything teacher, it seems a loooooong way away. I don't think I'll ever forget this class. They have taught me so much about my ability to persevere, to brush off nasty comments, and to try and make myself better at what I do. What makes me sad, though, is no matter how much I put in now, most of these children will arrive at secondary school and slip through the net. They are not the brightest or most ambitious children and they need a poke in the proverbial rib cage on a regular basis. Secondary school won't give them this.

1 term is all I have left to make a lasting impression. That is terrifying.