How not to write a dissertation

I had more than a few 'finishing touches' to add to my dissertation last night before handing in a draft today. So, naturally, I avoid doing anything all day and then sit down to work at about 10pm. Here is the chaos that ensued. I call it, 'The Art of Procrastination:'

22.15 - I'm glad for these raisins I bought to snack on 'cuz I'm hungry. That 'big salad' really didn't fill me up at all. Dang healthiness. Sarah's gone to bed, so I'm all alone. Right...cinematic adaptation. Focus.

23.59 - I've now perfected the art of spinning round on my swivel chair with my eyes closed and stopping right infront of my computer screen, using only the sound of its whirring electrics as a guide. I'm desperate to eat something (work avoidance tactic) but am trying to wait until I'm actually hungry.

00.20 - Procrastinating again. Taking pictures of random things - including myself hiding under the desk. Just had a text from Em. Spend at least 10 minutes staring into space and thinking about things.

00.37 - Wasted a good few minutes devising a keep fit plan for the summer - my arms upset me. Wordcount for adaptation chapter: 485. Oh cwap. Food time!

00.46 - CARBFEST! Rice cake with Philadelphia & sliced tomatoes, followed by left over charlotte potatoes, mmmm.

01.18 - The night is still young! I'm confident. It's in the bag.

01.47 - Facebook....damn you Facebook! Oh, I had to touch up my nail varnish, too.

02.18 - I'm fading fast. That means...crazy early morning stay awake spontaneous boogie woogie time!! This is a skill and has to be done in a way that won't wake up sleeping housemate the medic. So I put on my mp3 player and get dancing like a loon around my room. The Go! Team make this possible today.

02.27 - Looked for jobs in the Echo. No luck, unless I fancy doing something nondescript for 'over 18s' or being a 'driver's mate' - can u imagine?!! hmm.....

03.00 - Goodness me, Classic FM is a bit extreme and experimental at this time of night. It's like being on drugs. This violinist is just messing about! Not the relaxing background music one needs at 3am.

04.26 - I must have dozed orf. Just realised the seriousness of this situation - My draft is going to be utter utter rubbish. In other news, I may be addicted to the 'My Musical' episode of Scrubs which is sheer brilliance. I think I know all of the lyrics!!

05.26 - I gave myself an inspirational pep talk. Four hours until I have to leave for campus & the printers, and inspiration strikes! Still a long way to go but the birds are singing and it's already getting lighter. Will she make it? I feel as though I'd work better if the Crystal Maze theme song was being played through speakers into my room. Almost time for brekkie :)

06.20 - My back hurts. I have sat in three different places during the night to try and remedy this problem, but it still just hurts. Sitting on my bed surrounded by comfy cushions and blankets was the worst decision ever...of the night. Who knows how long I slept?!

06.41 - Eeeeek! That is the sound of genuine panic. If I hadn't spent half my night writing these silly notes on post-its around the place, I might have got further. I think I'll eat cereal. I wish I'd known what I wanted to say earlier last night - now I've got it but just not enough time.

After this point, I worked on autopilot, pausing only to sneeze and throw some bread in the toaster at around 8am. I went onto campus to print my essay (not quite finished but close enough) and guess what? My USB had an error and wouldn't open any of the files. I had old drafts of the chapters, all without quotes and structure etc. and no new ones. I basically felt my heart drop into my shoe. I have an extension - next Wednesday. Great. My dissertation is like a nasty cartoon raincloud that follows me around and ruins everything else that might be considered fun. Well, not tonight. I'm going to CU and it's going to be grrreat!

It can be...

Life can be dreadfully sad.

I have no words, really. You watch these things unfold and the media speculation sometimes gets it right, and sometimes there is just no way to possibly imagine people acting like this towards each other.

Life can be dreadfully uncertain.

My thoughts and prayers are with Alan Johnston's family. I can't imagine the sleepless nights, and the jolts with every ring of the telephone. I can't imagine being told my son is dead by one person, and being told to hope he will come back by another. I can't imagine not knowing like that.

Life can be dreadfully unjust.

This is just one incident. Stuff like this is happening all over the world and never makes international news. And for what? I don't understand it. Freedom of speech and freedom of belief must still be new a idea.

Life can be wonderful.

Because this was recently printed in The Daily Telegraph, in plain view of thousands of readers,

'In all this, two things must be kept in mind: that the crucifixion is inseparable from the resurrection, and that the sacrifice of Jesus once and for all is brought to bear on us in the celebration of the Christian Eucharist.

By whatever image they are described, Jesus's death and resurrection reverse the fall, blot out sin, destroy death, make all things new, deliver mankind from slavery, reconcile us with God, make us his adopted children, let us participate in the very life of God the Holy Trinity, allow for our repeated forgiveness, and open heaven to us.

And because it is true.

BackUpToSpeed

At the moment I can’t seem to go ten minutes without my eyes glazing over & my mind drifting into this melancholy ‘it’s my last term as an undergrad’ daydream. It’s so sad that my three years at uni have come to an end. I will surely miss the life of an English student; The 6hours per week max. of lectures and seminars, the piles and piles of books to relish and analyse and criticise, the long mornings, the cups of tea on Avenue campus. Sure, I’ve cleverly devised a way to stay here in the education system for another year, but it just won’t be the same. Boo.

As it stands, my dissertation seems to be more scared of the fact I have to get a 2:1 than I am. It just refuses to be written! On the plus side my internet is broken, so I can’t get too distracted by facebook/myspace/youtube/homestarrunner/imdb/craft websites. May 14^th is crunch time. The dissertation is handed in and done forever. That is more than a little petrifying!

I really wish I’d blogged a lot more recently, because so much has been happening. I suffer from this inability to just write something when I think of it. Something inside me makes me feel like I have to get it just right. Oh dear, the literary perfectionist needs squashing! Anyway, as a result I’ve missed the opportunity to talk about my amazing week’s work in Beechwood Primary school and all the lovely kids I worked with, like funny little Polish Piter who said random nonsensical things like, ‘Miss Weeeeliss, one again I need eraser! I’m cheating I’m cheating. I no understand!” our encounter with a Landrover driving angel, and other random musings of my slightly tangential mind. Those things just can’t be written after the event. It just wouldn’t be the same. I wish I’d shared my absolute ecstatic joy on being accepted onto the Primary PGCE course for next year, and my equally delirious happiness at watching three really (and unexpectedly) good movies on the trot. (FYI these were Flushed Away, Night at the Museum and The Prestige – check ‘em out!) But, for some reason, I just didn’t.

So, for my final term I resolve to be less uppity and just write what happens. Yeah, I’m’a cut loose! I love writing so I don’t see why I make such a big deal out of it! I don’t want to miss anything out. I’m not anticipating an amazingly exciting and action packed few months, but it should be good fun all the same.