Which way?

There are lots of routes I could have taken in my life.

If I’d worked a little harder, I could have achieved the grades I needed to go to Sheffield university (my first choice) and study. If I hadn’t decided, at the last minute, to take an A-level in French rather than Music, I would not have been doing a French specialism PGCE. In fact, I’d probably have gone into something to do with music, English or drama. If I’d gotten over myself sooner, I might have started playing music in 1^st year, cajoled a few band members and played a few low-key gigs. If I’d learnt to be more comfortable in my own skin sooner, I might have made a real go of the relationships and friendships I have allowed to slide past.

But I didn’t take these routes. At the time at which I decided which way to go, I was either too scared, or convinced of the alternative. And that’s ok.

It's ok because nothing I choose to do is a shock to God. God knows exactly and in detail everything I have ever done and will ever do in my life. There is no panic in Heaven. They’re not running around saying, “Aargh!! That girl shouldn’t be doing that there/now/in that way!!”

What if’s and if only’s really get us nowhere. It is not too late for me to write more music, learn more languages, speak more confidently to more people, draw more pictures, and try my hardest at whatever I do. I just have to want it.

And I do.